What is a Shoat?

For some reason, I can't get it straight. I am smart enough to know the difference between a goat and a sheep. But when I talk about them, I screw it up everytime. I don't call all of them goats, I don't call all of them sheep. I really am fair about it. So, I gave up. It's official. I will call em both Shoats. That will leave it up to you to figure out what animal I am talking about. I won't have to corrected anymore. I can talk about my shoats in confidence and you can feel a little lame when you don't know what I am talking about. That works out great....for me:)

Family Time

Every time our family gets together, I think we grow not only as a family, but as individuals. I was recapping the other night in my head.
Dan learned that dead weight is dead weight.
Rhonda learned that she is quite the artist with chalk.
Austin grew a pair.
Rick found someone to mentor.
Shelley still hasn't learned not to bring the new guy to meet to the family when we are drinking. Oh wait, then he would never get to meet us.
Trudi learned not to wear black pants when Rhonda has chalk.
Cindy learned not to wear a shirt that ties.
Karla learned cement floors are hard.
Keri learned it is great to have a sister.
I learned there is never enough wings.
And Karen never learns...love ya Mom!

That Biatch!

I just finished my eighth trip out to the barn today. I have a sow, Charlotte, that is due any day. I fully prepared her and had a lengthy conversation this weekend about my schedule for the week. I told her anytime before Wednesday night would work for me. Thursday is out and probably Friday morning(most likely nursing a hangover). Dan landed tickets to the Bronco/Duck game and I WILL NOT miss it. To see the ducks play here is like living in LA and being a Yankees fan. You just don't get to see them much. And thinking back on it, Charlotte caused me to miss the Super Bowl this year too. I had just finished up making some salsa and ready to sit down for a little pre game action. Being the good farm girl that I am, I want to make one last check before I settled down for some football. That was the end of my super bowl experience this year. Perfectly good salsa and beers waiting inside for me and I was out in the barn in the freezing ass cold until 2 am. So, I just warned Charlotte that it is do or die time. I asked her if there was anything I could get her....castor oil, a walk, anything to speed up the process. She just looked at me like I was a retard. I am trying to communicate better in my relationships, but I can't be the only one talking...

After a Few Beers at Drama Ranch

Okay...a lot of beers. Good F ing times!

Da Blues

Maybe it's because I haven't been actually working outside of the house or maybe it's the fact that my hair hasn't seen a curling iron in weeks...but I'm a little down. Duke, our 'cow dog' has really taken to the chickens. So much so that last week he nailed about a dozen and this week he decided he was up for a bigger challenge. I really wanted to breed my own meat chicks instead of buying them from the hatchery. I have been patiently waiting for 2 hens to start to lay. 5 months in, I am finally getting some eggs out of those girls. Duke killed one. Nice, huh? I don't know how my hatching project will turn out now. I went off and bought a stupid jersey calf again. I know better, but he is so fricken cute, solid grey. He got sick on me and I don't know how he is still breathing! Two whole weeks, 4 times a day, I am out with Stewie. I know, I named him, stupid thing to do. He is so weak that he can't stand right now. I get to move him and clean him all day long. Poor guy! It breaks my heart when they get sick! Austin has been gone all summer and I am ready for him to come home. I know, bitch and moan. I'll get over it. Oh yeah, and it's fucking hot! I'll be bitching about how cold it is here soon.
Should I be concerned if I actually hold conversations with my animals? Kinda has me worried. I'll let you know when they start answering me.

Some Days It Just Won't End

Dan has quickly selling our hay. Not so happy about it, I just worry that we won't have enough to get through the winter. He needed to go deliver a ton to a lady over in Boise last night. Our 'Farm Truck' needs new brakes. So Dan decided that the Land Rover could handle a ton of hay. He hitched up the trailer, loaded it and off he went. Karen was here, so he had no help. See, I get very busy when she is here. He didn't complain and didn't insist that I go with him to help deliver. Mom & I waived him good bye and off he went. Dan likes to put papers on the dash board of his car. That being said, his mapquest flew out the window. He could handle that. He just called the gal. Well, he didn't have her number programmed so he made multiple phone calls to random numbers in his call history to find her. Once that was taken care of, oopsie, the trailer fell of the hitch. Actually, the hitch fell off the Rover. Dan is a just good enough guy, i.e. he didn't really check to see if the pin was all the way in. I know, details, details. Luckily, he and the car survived. Just a little scratch. He fixed the hitch, making sure that it was secure and finally delivered the hay. Dan rolls into the drive way and backs the trailer in to unhitch it. His elbow his the lock when he closed the door and he locked his keys in the car. Now, I hate to say I told ya so, but you should have gotten that spare key when I told you to. At this point, I think I would've blown a gasket. Dan was close. We tried a hanger. Does that really work? Not for us. Then Dan had an aha moment! Call AAA. Awesome idea, except when I called, we had expired. Had to pay an emergency enrollment fee and blah, blah. The locksmith showed up and we are good now. We didn't make any money on that hay, but we have AAA for a whole year. I think I will lock some keys in the car just to make sure that we get our money's worth. I didn't think it was going to end for Dan. The hits kept coming. But at least he didn't get his balls cut off, stepped on by his mom or pissed on.

It's Shake N Bake, and I Helped

It was so nice to have Mom here, if even only for the day. She was down for an overdue visit to see Grandpa. We stayed up until Midnight playing Family Feud. I kicked Mom's ass. It was a good night. Up early, of course, and we went to feed those bottle calves. Holy Shit!! Those pink piggies were on the pregnant sow. They broke out and were going to town getting some fresh milk. I was laughing and pointing. Mom quickly pointed out that there were little black babies under those pink piggies. Marilyn was in labor. I got those stupid pink pigs out of that pen and started counting. We had 5 already. Woohoo!!! Mom stayed the morning to help me. We had 9 total. 6 Girls and 3 Boys!! I only had to fetch one. Glad Mom was here. She is always so much fun!! And of course, always good for that belly roll laugh.

Meat Chickens

I hate stinky meat chicks!! They have to be kept in the house, due to the fact we have no electricity in the barn. All they do is eat and shit. 'You smell that? Do you smell that?...Chicken Shit, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of chicken shit in the morning. Smells like - victory. Some day, this war's gonna end.' Can't wait!! Gotta go clean 'em up. At least the house won't stink for at least 8 hours.

A Goat's Life

Dan may have saved a goat's life today. Well, not his life, but at least his dignity. With all the drama going on here in the last 24 hours (that's wierd), 'T' had been ignored. Mind you, not one single sound came from him. Yesterday morning while moving pigs, the dog managed to get into the goat/sheep pen. I yelled for him to get out and I guess in the heat of the moment he was smart enough to get in, but not to get out. I went to open the gate and noticed 'T' had his head stuck through the gate. I tried to get him to move, but he just stayed there. Fine, I opened the gate with 'T's head in it and let the damn dog out. Off to the rest of my chores. Didn't even give it a second thought. And last night while the cow was birthing, I pointed and laughed. 'Look, 'T' is sitting down like a dog. What a stupid goat!' Again, that was it. Went on with my business. This morning, we had another cow calving. I was watching her and trying to get a jump start on my feeding. While feeding, I noticed that 'T' was in the same position that I had left him in YESTERDAY morning. Genius! I tried to get him unstuck. Not happening. Rita came by to look at the calf and tried to help me get him out of the gate. Still wasn't happening. Rita and I both decided the gate was worth more than the goat. That being said, the horns have gotta go. Now, I put a lot of thought into how I would cut them. I didn't want to take them all the way off. Just 2-3 inches oughta do. I could probably get away with just removing a little off one side, but I decided that he would look like a complete moron. I happen to mention it to Dan when he called. He told me to just cut the damn gate. He didn't want 'T' to look stupid. So snip-snip with the bolt cutters and he was free. Not that he noticed. I had to move him before he realized that was unstuck. He is one lucky goat to still have those horns. If it were up to me, they would've been gone. Dan didn't save his life, just his pride!

The Big Hunt

Now that I am unemployed and have a little time on my hands, I decided I should go hang with my Momma. What is there to do in Cascade this time of year? Well, it is time to go mushroom hunting. I have never been and only tried my first Morel last year when Mom brought some down. They are ugly as hell, but to my surprise, are pretty tasty. Austin and I got up at the butt crack of dawn to get chores done so when can get up the hill at a decent time. We picked up Mom and off we went. I had told Mom to call all her resources and find us a good place. I don't think any calls were made. Three miles or so after the turn off, she informed me that the place we want to go is about 12 miles up the road. Would have been nice if she would have told me that when we first turned! She said no problem, just look for the smokey the bear sign and that is where we need to turn. About 30 minutes later, I told her we have gone WAY over 12 miles. Just a little further she said. "Oh, we've hit the snow! We've gone too far" Really mom? They must've move smokey. We never did find him. We did try a little dirt road on the way back down the mountain and can you believe it? I found a mushroom!! I screamed and it echoed through the forest for miles. I was so thrilled. We are on our way to an fantastic find! There has to be more right here! That was the only one we found. Now, I might be new at this, but I do believe you actually have to get out of the car and walk into the forest to find mushrooms. I mean, it has to take a little hunting. Right? That is definately not Karen's plan. I swear she would get out of the car, Walk 100 feet and declare that this is not the area we should be in. We spent 3/4 of the day in the car. Awesome! Before we left home, stopped at the Valley Club. I learned more about mushroom hunting in 5 minutes in the bar than I had learned in six hours in the car with Mom. "Did you flick it before you picked it?" " Were you on the North side of the mountain?" "Did you try up by Snow Bank?" We are going to try again tomorrow. We'll see if I was paying attention in the bar. Oh, and of course, still love Karen! Always good for some laughs. She did put a little effort into it and she is willing to take my smart ass again tomorrow

The Owl Ninja

Drama Ranch!! On Thursday, Austin came home and called me at work. He said 'Mom, there is an owl in the chicken coop and it has killed two chickens' Great, I couldn't even imagine this happening. He wanted to know what he should do. I told him 'Just get him out.' Of course, Austin being the over reactor that he is replied 'Mom, it has huge talons and pointed beak!! It's gonna claw my eyes out!' I basically told him to buck up and at least go put a bucket or something over it til I get home and then I will take care of it. He wanted to get his BB gun and shoot it. I had to explain to him that A - I don't think a BB gun will do anything but piss the bird off and B - I was 99% sure that it is illegal to hurt an owl. So that being said he was off to try and 'capture' the owl. I hung up the phone and was talking to my co-worker about the situation. He said that Fish & Game would probably go fetch it. My next move was to call F&G. I explained my situation and the gentlemen on the phone assured me that it was not an owl in my chicken coop. It was a chicken hawk and no, they don't really want to come and get it. Hmmm...I am assuming that the chicken hawk is nothing like the little tough guy that hangs out with Foghorn Leghorn. So, I google it. I must have pulled up the scariest picture ever of a Chicken Hawk. The page showed a very mean, super large bird that in my mind was something that could probably hurt someone in an enclosed area. It has a five foot wingspan. Very, very scary!! Did I say that already. And yes, I just sent my kid out to play with it. Panic quickly sets in and I call home. Of course, no answer. My kid is right now in the chicken coop with the large scary bird that is probably going to kill him. I am such a good mommy! Okay, hmmm, call Rita. She can at least stop by the house and tell Austin that 'never mind the bird, your mom's an ass'. Rita answers and I hear screaming in the background. She is with Austin, watching him catch the 'bird'. It wasn't a mean ol' chicken hawk, just a mean ol' great horned owl. I would of been scared, I know Austin was scared, but he is now the Owl Ninja. How many kids can say that? Check out the pics!!

Really? I am very busy!

Another interesting episode this morning on Drama Ranch. I had been patiently waiting for babies all day. I must have made a half dozen trips out to the barn yesterday in the freezing ass cold. At 10:00, I made my last check and then nighty night for me. At 2:00, Dan and I heard knocking on the door. The cows were in the front yard. Every damn one of them. Thankfully, someone stopped(No, the cows didn't knock) and let us know. Those stupid cows were happily snacking on our grass. Dan was such a trooper and said he would go out by himself. Probably had to do with the large amount of whining I was doing. Dan got those cows moving in the right direction. Just a bale or two of hay and they came running. Now, how am I going to get back to sleep? Dan popped his head in the back door and said we have babies, hurry! What? Are you fucking kidding me? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get dressed to go spend hours in the barn when you are half alseep? Oh yeah, and don't forget to hurry. Find thermals. Oh wait, I don't have thermals. Find sweats. Check. I need thick socks. Find my bibs. Check, check. I put on a large sweat shirt and managed to stuff it into my bibs. In cast you can't picture that, let me reassure you, I looked like a fucking tard. Top that off with my muckers and cardhardt. Oh, so hot. I managed to get out to the barn in record time. Four babies were already here. I found a fifth one buried in the straw. We came in around 5:00 this morning. Seven beautiful babies in all! I will try to post pic later today. Stay tuned....